A Journey Into, and Out of One's Self

Twenty four hours after my very difficult conversation, and rejection, and some few minutes of googling later I discovered that sometimes rejection as a loss, and in this case a loss of one month, can create feelings similar to the stages of grief.  1. Denial: They don't really know what they want, they will change their mind later. I'm not really that sad, and I will be okay.  2. Anger: They were so cruel, for wasting my time and I am so angry. Everything was so cold, and despite the emotional energy spent there was no thanks, or appreciation.  3. Bargaining: If I had _______ would that change things? What if I do this now can I change their mind?  4. Depression: What is the point of pursuing this kind of stuff? If there is no appreciation for the efforts I put forward the cost is just too high. Why would I bother trying again. MGTOW is looking good right now.  5. Acceptance: MGTOW...? 

After an emotionally exhausting day I began watching the new documentary narrated by Willem Dafoe: Mountains. The film was scored by the Australian Chamber Orchestra. Watching this film I felt refreshed, and renewed. The terrifying heights, the majestic beauty, the awe inspiring grandeur of mountains. As someone afraid of heights, I still could not look away while watching this documentary. I would love to see it in IMAX. Even on my small screen at home the sights induced a sense of vertigo. As a sensory experience the film was fantastic. But not to be overlooked was the excellent narration script and paced careful narration. Dafoe's raspy but calm and collected voice felt like a metaphor for white peaked, jagged summits. The content too, was thought provoking and philosophical. It discussed the human relationship with mountains, through history, emotion, and experiences. The one thing I find it gets wrong though is the philosophy. While many people (including this document

Today after one month of waiting to meet someone in person to tell them how I feel, because they were too busy to meet me before that, and then getting rejected makes me think: if the person can't figure out why I would wait one month to talk to them in person (or at least that it had some significance), and the fact that I valued meeting them in person so much I was willing to wait a month to meet them didn't give them pause to consider how much I valued them, the relationship never would have worked anyway. Even if they had said they felt touched by my devotion, but still didn't want to pursue a relationship that would have been fine but not even that. I have noticed twice now that women I have dated or wanted to date didn't value my time. They complained that I didn't give them the best quality time, or that I didn't give them enough time, or didn't even care about the time I gave. This is seriously discouraging. Time is precious to me, and with whom,

When faced with a class that will have a floating number of students, and no set level I asked my boss for some solutions on how to manage the situation. She said she has taught this kind of class and the solution is to plan more than one lesson plan for each two-hour class and to make it fun and light. "You are a teacher. This is easy for you, so just do it. Just be flexible." When I asked for some example activities that could accommodate such a wide range of potentially different classroom dynamics she had no answer. She said different ages, and different levels don't affect the classroom dynamics that much. This made me think she was lying when she said she had taught in this kind of situation. She also told me not to discuss this kind of problem with HR even though that is what HR told me to do. HR tells me to do what makes my branch angry with me, and my branch tells me to do what makes HR's job harder. If I didn't care about doing a good job I wou