A Journey Into, and Out of One's Self

After causing hurt and damaging some relationships within my church community I am faced with a few courses of action. So far my attempts to reconcile and show I am repentant, let alone communicate with the people I have hurt have ultimately failed. In light of the status of our broken relationship and the apparent unwillingness to try to work through what is going on feel I have two good options: 1. Keep trying to communicate and arrange a time to meet one on one or privately in a group with the people I have alienated, trusting that I have missed something about the lack of communication.  2. Give up attempts to communicate and simply pray and fast hoping that God will do something.  3. Trust God that he will do what he needs to do in my life and theirs and seek to grow closer to God without being distracted by my felt need to have all relationships in my life without conflict or problems.  My other options don't seem good: 1. Publicly confront the people in que

Recently after trying to mend some broken relationships with the women in my life, as well as develop other relationships I have had to elucidate what some of my issues and struggles are with this part of my relationship landscape. Part of my real difficulty comes from four traumas in my past that make dealing with women more difficult for me: 1. a specific time in my life as a child where I felt abandoned by a woman 2. a specific time as a child when I felt publically shamed by a woman 3. a specific time as a child when I felt ignored/devalued in my understanding of the world by a woman (which ultimately lead to being publicly shamed by a woman). 4. a specific time as a child when I felt betrayed by a broken promise made by a woman Whenever I feel one of these things has happened to me now it is very difficult to not get upset. I'm not sure how to resolve these traumas but recognizing their significance is undoubtedly a first step. Recognizing that my patterns of be