Disempowerment

I have had two rather unsettling experiences as of late, both leaving me rather discouraged and questioning why I should bother involving myself in certain volunteer activities. I was asked by one friend to take over managing something as part of a church endeavor saying I did a good job, but then in two challenging moments of crisis for them they defaulted back to their control and started doing the thing they asked me to do without even telling me. I was having a hard time believing they genuinely trusted me and just as I was starting to feel that they did trust me to do the work, suddenly they showed they didn't. Despite this chain of events they tried to maintain they thought I was doing a good job.

Another destabilizing experience was where I was asked to help capture some event on video by my friend, and I was feeling rather insecure thinking I don't have a lot of experience doing this kind of thing. I spent a long time considering how to manage all the aspects of not disturbing the audience, and getting the best parts of the performance, not blocking other cameras. That day I spent hours working with others getting the venue ready, preparing the gear etc. Just as I had started to work up the courage to take the host's encouragement to just film something,  the friend I had suggested come by and help who had given me a non-committal maybe appears halfway into the performances and starts doing what I had been working up the courage to do all night.

My response to these two things is that I feel infantilzed and disrespected. One thing I thank my parents for is that they encouraged me to try things, and let me make my own mistakes. I find it odd that at this stage in my life I feel more infantalized by my peers than my parents. I have to wonder if that is really how people see me. Do they see me as childish and immature? That is saddening too, because they never said so.