A Journey Into, and Out of One's Self

Twenty four hours after my very difficult conversation, and rejection, and some few minutes of googling later I discovered that sometimes rejection as a loss, and in this case a loss of one month, can create feelings similar to the stages of grief.  1. Denial: They don't really know what they want, they will change their mind later. I'm not really that sad, and I will be okay.  2. Anger: They were so cruel, for wasting my time and I am so angry. Everything was so cold, and despite the emotional energy spent there was no thanks, or appreciation.  3. Bargaining: If I had _______ would that change things? What if I do this now can I change their mind?  4. Depression: What is the point of pursuing this kind of stuff? If there is no appreciation for the efforts I put forward the cost is just too high. Why would I bother trying again. MGTOW is looking good right now.  5. Acceptance: MGTOW...? 

After an emotionally exhausting day I began watching the new documentary narrated by Willem Dafoe: Mountains. The film was scored by the Australian Chamber Orchestra. Watching this film I felt refreshed, and renewed. The terrifying heights, the majestic beauty, the awe inspiring grandeur of mountains. As someone afraid of heights, I still could not look away while watching this documentary. I would love to see it in IMAX. Even on my small screen at home the sights induced a sense of vertigo. As a sensory experience the film was fantastic. But not to be overlooked was the excellent narration script and paced careful narration. Dafoe's raspy but calm and collected voice felt like a metaphor for white peaked, jagged summits. The content too, was thought provoking and philosophical. It discussed the human relationship with mountains, through history, emotion, and experiences. The one thing I find it gets wrong though is the philosophy. While many people (including this document...

Today after one month of waiting to meet someone in person to tell them how I feel, because they were too busy to meet me before that, and then getting rejected makes me think: if the person can't figure out why I would wait one month to talk to them in person (or at least that it had some significance), and the fact that I valued meeting them in person so much I was willing to wait a month to meet them didn't give them pause to consider how much I valued them, the relationship never would have worked anyway. Even if they had said they felt touched by my devotion, but still didn't want to pursue a relationship that would have been fine but not even that. I have noticed twice now that women I have dated or wanted to date didn't value my time. They complained that I didn't give them the best quality time, or that I didn't give them enough time, or didn't even care about the time I gave. This is seriously discouraging. Time is precious to me, and with whom, ...